Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Green mimosas i think yes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
