i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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