at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We are two peas in an std pod
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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