how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
