so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
