moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
