dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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