remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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