just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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