it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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