so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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