That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
