Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
