I wish my penis had an off switch
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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