I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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