Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
