Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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