Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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