dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
