I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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