this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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