I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
