You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
