Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
