just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
