I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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