Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
