literally had 100 drinks last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
