Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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