Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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