I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
