you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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