i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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