You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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