a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.