Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...

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  (716): i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward... http://tfl.nu/0sye
  Replies (14) Good night (669) Bad night (4656)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.

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  (661): I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is. http://tfl.nu/de6o
  Replies (11) Good night (5697) Bad night (1220)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.

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  (218): I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that. http://tfl.nu/isuw
  Replies (31) Good night (5410) Bad night (2332)
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  (858): View more from California

  Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

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  (858): Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel. http://tfl.nu/fcxh
  Replies (21) Good night (4783) Bad night (1161)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b

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  (215): i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b http://tfl.nu/ogbj
  Replies (47) Good night (2455) Bad night (6500)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE

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  (508): I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE http://tfl.nu/54pd
  Replies (23) Good night (2186) Bad night (6036)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.

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  (801): My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village. http://tfl.nu/2k9f
  Replies (7) Good night (1708) Bad night (1175)
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  (212): View more from New York

  You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..

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  (212): You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark.. http://tfl.nu/eret
  Replies (12) Good night (2231) Bad night (783)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.

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  (432): This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire. http://tfl.nu/8ui6
  Replies (10) Good night (2330) Bad night (1263)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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  (609): Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style. http://tfl.nu/0udf
  Replies (6) Good night (2207) Bad night (1165)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.

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  (603): pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/ar70
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (1281)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.

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  (307): i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears. http://tfl.nu/ndjg
  Replies (5) Good night (1483) Bad night (442)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day

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  (613): How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day http://tfl.nu/h9s2
  Replies (1) Good night (826) Bad night (326)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."

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  (630): my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation." http://tfl.nu/ju2j
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (394)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Woke up backwards on a recliner

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  (314): Woke up backwards on a recliner http://tfl.nu/fx1p
  Replies (1) Good night (731) Bad night (458)

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