he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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But theres a keg here and me gusta
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.