Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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