You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass