Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?

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  (570): Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning? http://tfl.nu/o1k1
  Replies (39) Good night (4114) Bad night (1795)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

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  (574): its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes. http://tfl.nu/wfzo
  Replies (68) Good night (3763) Bad night (1985)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning

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  (203): im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning http://tfl.nu/g6xa
  Replies (16) Good night (4059) Bad night (1347)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.

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  (608): I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear. http://tfl.nu/lmzy
  Replies (9) Good night (4840) Bad night (1197)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.

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  (847): she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay. http://tfl.nu/cwvk
  Replies (4) Good night (807) Bad night (3047)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer

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  (623): Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer http://tfl.nu/er6w
  Replies (4) Good night (717) Bad night (1267)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits

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  (216): Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits http://tfl.nu/2zgj
  Replies (4) Good night (1104) Bad night (368)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.

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  (774): One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it. http://tfl.nu/38tv
  Replies (1) Good night (794) Bad night (321)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Did you at least offer to let him get it out??

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  (901): I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment. (662): Did you at least offer to let him get it out?? http://tfl.nu/gv0l
  Replies (4) Good night (859) Bad night (434)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field

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  (315): Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field http://tfl.nu/zsxj
  Replies (3) Good night (322) Bad night (478)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We're like Lewis and Clark

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  (920): There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight (202): We're like Lewis and Clark http://tfl.nu/83ys
  Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"

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  (469): The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party" http://tfl.nu/vn3r
  Replies (0) Good night (845) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me

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  (816): Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me http://tfl.nu/m080
  Replies (7) Good night (667) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.

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  (724): I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever. http://tfl.nu/5x63
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (221)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress

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  (+44): I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress http://tfl.nu/f8qv
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (149)

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