You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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