I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
