I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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