So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Houston, we have a squirter
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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