i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My liver just broke up with me...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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