last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
