Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
