margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
