did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
