you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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