My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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