did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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