I'm lost and stupid without you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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