i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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