No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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