I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
