I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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