He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
