Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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