Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
