Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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