Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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