he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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