I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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