we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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