Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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