I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
