Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
